Rishi is turning one month old tomorrow, and I call this month “drowning”. A few friends who have kids close in age had warned me that the beginning is tough, and oh man, they couldn’t have been more right. I feel like I’m always trying to find a pocket of time to come up for air but it never really presents itself fully.
First babies are hard because as first time parents, you don’t know much and everything is brand spanking new. You worry over every poop and feed and Google so many things. Second time around, you know what to expect with newborns, so some things are by far easier like nursing, latching, late nights, and you’ve definitely got poop colors down like nobody’s business. But all of a sudden, between nursing feeds, you don’t get a chance to chill because you’ve got another baby, your first baby, who needs you. Whether it’s a meal, a snack, a diaper change, or the ball that’s just too far (even though it’s 5 feet away), you’ve gotta put attention into their day because after all, they are just a baby too.
Aria, 19 months now, has had me all to herself since the day she was born so this has definitely been an adjustment period. She’s been amazing and wants to hug and kiss Rishi all day long which is amazing to watch. But I can see how she’s definitely got a little separation anxiety. Let’s just say that doesn’t help my mom guilt.
Rishi had a rough start with high levels of bilirubin (jaundice, common for infants) which we got under control within a few days (thank god!). But then as a few more days progressed, we realized he was uncomfortable after feeds. It was as if he needed to burp but couldn’t get it out. We watched this for a few days and then finally called the doc to discover he’s got acid reflux, another common thing for babies which gets better by the time they are 1. What this meant for Rishi however was that he needed to be held vertical most of the day, which meant less time for me to hold Aria. More mom guilt. A newborn who isn’t feeling well and a teething toddler who is crushed that mama can’t hold her.
Let’s just say I had many meltdowns. Lots of tears to the hubs. Many moments of feeling like I was failing. I knew that the only phrase that would get me through this was to repeat to myself “This too shall pass… It’s just a phase.”
My mama friends also helped me to realize that this moment in time is just to survive. If that means a little bit more TV for Aria while I nurse Rishi, or she ends up eating cereal for two meals (her most favorite thing to eat) in a day, that it’ll be ok. To put aside worrying about dishes and a clean house, because it’ll just be fine. To ask for help, which I’ve definitely been doing and my wonderful friends have been by my side constantly whether it’s to lend an ear or drop off dinner. Blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives.
Though this sounds like a downer post, this month has also been amazing. I have two babies…every time I say it, it resonates through me and I just simply cannot believe it. The two pictures above this make me realize the little miracles I hold in my arms are worth it all. Twenty little fingers and twenty little toes. To watch the two of them together has been an incredible experience thus far, and I can tell it is only going to get better as they get older and play with each other. It’s the stages in life…I used to remember how odd it felt when I said husband for the first time… then I said I have a daughter…and now I say “oh yea, I have two kids…a daughter and a son.” Seriously blows me over every time right now. Nonetheless, enough of this emotional rant. Here are a few pictures from Rishi’s first photo shoot that I took a few days ago.
Tried to capture all the little-ness this phase has to offer. They only stay tiny for so long so I’m trying to soak it all in.